The GLADIATOR Experience

Bro, did you see this? Airbnb and Paramount are teaming up for a ‘GLADIATOR’ experience. You get to fight in the colosseum for free!"

“What, like the Russell Crowe movie?”

“Yeah! They made a sequel or something. It says here $0 per person.”

“Huh? What’s the catch?”

“There’s no catch!”

“…nah, I don’t trust that. There’s always catch. Besides, I’m more of a Blade Runner guy.”

“C’mon bro. It’s GLADIATOR. And it’s free! What’s the worst that could happen?”

The crowd roars jubilant as the loincloth clad contestants circle one another, their open, sand-sodden wounds glistening in the harsh Roman sun. The larger man lunges, slicing his opponent’s brow.

“Aaaugh!” The smaller man slumps to his knees, blinded by the seeping claret. “Bro, please. I-I can’t see. I can’t feel my arm. I n-need a doctor…”

He is drowned out as the larger man raises his arms, gladius high, basking in the adulation and bloodlust of ten thousand screaming fans.

“They have come for death,” he says, pointing the blade. “And they shall receive it.”

“Bro…”

“Steel yourself, old friend, for today you walk in the flowing fields of ever after, surrounded by golden wheat.”

The smaller man breaks down, sobbing. “Bro, you don’t even like this movie. You’re a Blade Runner guy.” Anguished, he buries his face in the sand.

“Yes, but that was before.” The larger man raises the sword, preparing for the decapitation. “Now I get it.” Ω