Jurassic World: Redeath

Trump at a press conference: “The U.S. will take over Isla Nublar and we will do a job with it too.”

All the reporters groan.

“We’ll take over Isla Sorna too and all the Mantah corp islands. You know, from the Netflix cartoon? We’ll own them all and be responsible for the dinosaurs and the genetically-engineered monstrosities that are an affront to God’s order. We’ll level it out, make a new chain of parks, and create an economic development that will supply unlimited numbers of jobs. Any questions?”

The reporters toss up their hands. “Mr. President! Mr. President!”

Trump points at a young blonde in the front row. “You. In the skirt. No not you Janet.”

The blonde stands up. “Ellen Skunt, NBC news. Isn’t it true that as of Jurassic Park Dominion, dinosaurs rule the earth? Why would the United States make a new Jurassic Park?”

“I don’t know about that.”

“You don’t know what?”

“If dinosaurs rule the earth.”

“Just last week, a spinosaurus ate Marco Rubio outside the Truman building.”

“Have you ever been there? The Truman building? Beautiful architecture.”

“And a pterodactyl collided with a Boeing 747 over Florida.”

“Such a shame. A big, beautiful animal, the pterodactyl.”

“403 people died, Mr. President.”

“That’s sad too.”

“So it would seem clear that dinosaurs, at a minimum, have a significant presence across the global, significantly reducing the demand or need for any more parks.”

“I don’t know about that, I don’t know about that. Bad movie, Dominion. Nobody watched it. Nobody saw it.”

“Mr. President.”

“You go to a movie to see the raptors and they show you giant cockroaches. Why?”

“They were locusts, Mr. President.”

“We’re done with Chris Pratt. No Mario for me. The Italians can have him. Jack Black too.”

“Mr. President please.”

“It’s gonna be a new Jurassic Park, bigger and better than anything you ever seen before. So many dinosaurs folks. They’ll blanket the earth. A T-Rex in every stadium, a raptor in every grocery aisle. You’ll never escape.” Ω