MINECRAFT: Inside the Actor's Studio w/ Jack Black
Hello, I’m the necromantically resurrected corpse of James Lipton. And this is Inside the Actor’s Studio. Today, I’m joined by a man whose energy defies mortal limitations, whose voice shakes the heavens and rattles the underworld—a performer, a poet, a legend of Rock and Roll. A man of a thousand faces, each more expressive than the last. Please welcome… Jack Black."
The audience of freshly exhumed skeletons clatter their jaws.
Jack Black smiles. “Thank you James.”
“Mr. Black, your performances span a remarkable range, showcasing a mastery of roles as diverse as they are unforgettable. Who could forget your turn as a rotund lovable oaf turned luchador in Nacho Libre, your transformation as a teenage girl trapped in the body of a rotund lovable oaf in Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, and your fascinating portrayal of a rotund lovable oaf who happens to be a well-meaning inept idiot in Kung Fu Panda. Not to mention your rendition of the evil king Browser in the Super Mario Bros. Movie, a rotund lovable oaf and giant anthropomorphic turtle who wants to trap a hot blonde in a loveless and presumably non-consensual marriage.”
Jack Black chuckles. “Don’t we all, James?”
“Tell us, Mr. Black, in your long, storied career, are there any roles you missed or wished you had the opportunity to take on?”
“The Minecraft Movie.”
“Ha ha.” Lipton wags his wrinkled finger. “Ever the comedian, Mr. Black.”
Jack Black stares at Ghoul James Lipton.
“…really?”
“…”
Lipton shifts. “…the Minecraft Movie?”
Jack Black nods, watching Lipton like a lion at the Waterhole.
“Ha. Um.” James Lipton clears his rotting throat. “I’m sorry but weren’t you the star of the Minecraft Movie? You had an impeccable turn as a homeless man in the character of Steve, a rotund lovable—”
“I wanted to play a pig.”
“Oh. A…pig?”
Jack Black nods somberly. “My agent made me take the lead.”
“Oh. I see.”
“I got in deep with the Yakuza when I went to Japan for the premiere of the Mario Bros. Movie. Hired hitmen started following Tenacious D around.”
“Your band. Oh my.”
Jack Black nods. “Kyle Glass found a finger in his Tomato Basil Soup in an Ihop outside of Tallahassee.”
“Gruesome. Well, uh, what drew you to the role of—”
“The Filth.”
Lipton pinches his lips.
“I wanted to roll around in my filth.”
“Mhm.”
“It was going to be a silent movie.”
“I’m sorry. The Minecraft Movie was going to be a…silent picture?”
“No kids. No Jason Momoa.”
“Wow.”
“Black and white. Experimental. Just me and a pool of muck for two interrupted hours.”
James Lipton opens his mouth, closes it, and opens it again. “I’m sorry you didn’t get it.”
Jack Black shrugs. “Shit happens. Good news is, I just got cast in Babe 3.”
“Oh! A sequel to the whimsical family classic.”
“Yep.”
“That’s fantastic. You get to play a pig after all.”
“Nah. I kill and eat Babe in the first five minutes.”
Lipton furrows his brow. “Why would-”
Jack Black shrugs. “Hollywood.” Ω