Resident Evil:Calicos

Got a selection of good things on sale today stranger!" The Merchant unfurled his tattered trenchcoat, revealing two columns of kittens. Each snug in their own comfy pocket. Eight in total.

STRATCOM Field Agent Leon Kennedy perused the mewling wares, weighing his choice carefully. His attache case was already stuffed with a USP Tactical sidearm, a Remington 870, an M1903 sniper rifle, three incendiary grenades, two flashbangs, five eggs (1 white, 3 brown, 1 rotten), a stone tablet depicting a braying goat, and one large black bass. There was barely enough room to fit another ornate heirloom or macabre occult sigil, and yet the simple fact remained: you could never underestimate the utility of a good kitten.

“So, which one of these works best on…” Leon glanced side to side and leaned in, whispering in a conspiratorial tone. “Asian women?”

The Merchant stared back.

“You know,” Leon prompted. “Mercurial Asian women who work for one or more sinister clandestine organizations with nefarious aims?”

The Merchant kept staring, his masked face stoic and impassive.

Leon sighed and glanced back at the kittens. “I guess I’ll take the calico in the banana hat. That’s kind of cute.”

The Merchant gave an almost imperceptible shake of the head. His eyes flitted up and to the left.

“Or, uh,” Leon blinked. “I’ll take the tabby?”

“Ah, a wise choice, mate!” The Merchant took the grey tabby from his coat and handed it over. “You’ve got a rare eye for quality.”

Leon took the kitten in hand and scratched under its chin. “Nice. If this doesn’t win her over, nothing will.”

The Merchant waved as Leon departed from his shop. “Come back anytime!”

Just as the door shut, a woman in stylish crimson cheongsam dropped from the rafters.

“Oh!” the Merchant startled.

She approached, hips swaying with a confident grace. “You the guy selling kittens around here?”

The Merchant gulped and nodded.

She leaned in and took hold of his lapel, caressing the coarse fabric with her nimble fingers. “Got any calicos?” Ω ¹