Animal Attraction Bingo
Hey Tony, HR asked me to host a team building event. I’m thinking Bingo."
“Bingo? Does the winner get a 5 gallon bucket of Metamucil?”
“Har har. It’s a special kind of bingo. Check it out!
“…Animal Attraction Bingo? Linda, I don’t-”
“It’s like an ice breaker, if ice breakers weren’t lame. The team will learn so much about each other!”
“Uh, they’re definitely gonna learn you’re frea-wait, why is this one filled out?”
“Oops. I’ll take tha-”
“Nah, nah, hold on. Let’s see here: pig, sheep, goat. Very Scottish.”
“Haha, um, maternal side of the family. My Granda always wore a kilt.”
“Deer and horses yes, donkeys no. Why?”
“If I have Chris and Liam Hemsworth, why would I want Luke?”
“No on rats, possum, and squirrel. Strong anti-rodent bias.”
“They’re just gross. Raccoon is a free space, but I would have said yes anyway.”
“Why? They’re rodents too. And they literally crawl through trash.”
“It’s the bandit mask. They got a bad boy thing going on, you know?”
“Okay, hold on. You got lion and tiger, so doesn’t that make hyenas the Luke Hemsworth of big cats?”
“No, Hyenas are bad boys too! Didn’t you see Lion King?”
“Yeah, but I think I missed the part where Walt Disney walks on screen and bangs Whoopi Goldberg.”
“No, I liked the crazy one. And they looked so good goose-stepping to the Scar song.”
“Right, sailing over that one. Octopus 𝑎𝑛𝑑 spiders? Come on.”
“What? They both have eight legs.”
“Don’t give me that! The octopus legs are 𝑝𝑟𝑒ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑙𝑒. The possibilities are endless!”
“Okay, but the spider could hang me from the ceiling. I’m, um, a bit of a rope bunny.”
“Uh huh. Don’t some species of spider eat bunnies?”
“Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. And the same is true of bears. Hey, did you know a bear erotica book won Canada’s Governor General Literary Award back in the 1970s?”
“Never trusted a Canuck.”
“So what do you think? HR will love it, right? It’s perfect for team building! "
“What do I think? I think you should be arrested, and I think the cops should throw you into a steel cage with a rampaging gorilla.”
“Ugh, God. Can you imagine~” Ω1