Canadian Zoom Interview

Zoom call starts]

“Hello there. Can you hear me?”

“Hi. Loud and clear.”

“Great. I’m triple booked on meetings today, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to jump right into the questions.”

“Sure, but first I wanted to show off a little presentation I put together. Just for this meeting. If you don’t mind.”

“Oh, a presentation? Okay, go ahead.”

“Right, so these are my premium Canadian fleshlight inserts.”

“…your what?”

“First up: The Maple Massager. Classic leaf design for the orifice and the texture of the inner lining? Based on the look and feel of 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 Maple tree bark.”

“Who would-”

“And this is the slick part, lubricated end-to-end with 100% real Canadian maple.”

“That doesn’t seem sanitary.”

“Then we’ve got the Mount-Me Mountie, the Mega-Moose—a bit too roomie, even for me—and the Eager Beaver, based on the beaver of a real Canadian bea-”

“Alright that’s-”

“And this tight little bad boy right here?”

“Sir.”

“The Trudeaussy.”

“Sir, this is a job interview to be the Lead System Administrator for the Dr Pepper Snapple Group, a subsidiary of Keurig Dr Pepper Inc.”

“Yeah I know. That’s why I’m showing you my 𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒏 flashlights.”

“Sir.”

“I got like 89 more.”

“Sir, we’re not even located in Canada.”

“Yeah I know.”

“We’re in Plano Texas, for God’s sake.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“Then 𝒘𝒉𝒚 in God’s name are you showing me Canadian fleshlights.”

“Because you guys make Canada Dry.”

“𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡.”

“And I wanted to show I’m willing to put my whole dick into this company, even when it’s dry.”

“We’re done.”

[Zoom call ended] Ω