NTR Friday or, Pat Robertson was Right
Jake plops down in front of the big screen TV. “Bro, what time is it?”
Paul plops down beside him. “It’s NTR Friday bro.”
“I love this shit, man. Bros being bros, watching cheating cuck porn. Together.”
“Right?” Paul says. “I can’t even imagine why we’re forever alone.”
“Yeah…”
Over on the three tier cat-tree scratching-post by the couch, Paul’s overweight Bombaby, Mr. Popo, meows.
“Anyway, bro! What are we watching today?”
“Cheating Wives Taste Like White Claw-”
“Lit! Bro put that shit on.” Jake claps his hands. “Put. It. On.”
The bros lay back, basking in the soft glow of the 80" wall-mounted Sony Bravia.
…๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐. ๐ต๐ ๐๐๐๐. ๐ฐ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐ฐ’๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐. ๐ฐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐’๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐’๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐พ๐๐๐๐ ๐ช๐๐๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐๐ ๐ช๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฏ๐๐๐ ๐บ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐…
Jake vibrates in anticipation. “She’s gonna do it bro.”
…๐ ๐๐’๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐. ๐ฐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ท๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ท๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ญ๐๐๐๐…
“She’s gonna cuck her beta boy husband!”
…๐๐ ๐๐. ๐ด๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐. ๐ฐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐…
“Just wait bro,” Paul says. “You don’t even know.”
…๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฐ’๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐…
“Here we go!”
On screen, the man whips out a thick black book and sets it on the table.
๐ฐ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐พ๐๐๐ …
Jake blinks. “…what?”
… ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐พ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฎ๐๐ …
“Bro, what is this shi-”
“Shh, wait.” Paul holds up a finger. “This is the best part.”
…๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐พ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฎ๐๐ .
“And the Word was God,” Paul repeats. He turns to Jake. “Lit right?”
Jake stares. “No!” he yelps. “Not lit!”
“Bro.”
“Not lit at all!”
“Bro, wait-”
“We came here to watch NTR. CHEATING. CUCK. PORN.” Jake points at the screen in absolute indignation. “This is NOT NTR!”
Paul laughs. “That’s where you’re wrong bro.”
“This is some Pat Robertson 700 Club fundie shit! He’s ๐๐๐๐๐โ๐๐๐ at her.”
“That’s the best part. She’s gonna become a nun.”
“A ๐๐๐?!”
“Yeah, you didn’t let me say the full title before. The show is called Cheating Wives Taste Like White Claw Until They See the White Light of Christ and Give Their Lives to God-”
“Are you-”
“Bro, wait, hear me out.”
“Are you fucking with me?”
“I read a translated interview about the mangaka. He set out to write pure NTR. Devoid of sex.”
“Devoid of sex??”
“A married woman taken as a wife for Godโthe paragon of masculinityโand forced to live a life of endless celibacy. The Japanese are genius perverts bro.”
“You’re kidding.”
“It’s the ultimate cuckening.”
On screen, the scene changes to a cathedral. The married woman now wears a full length all black habit with a white coif.
“Aw man,” Jake slumps. “She’s not even a ๐ ๐๐ฅ๐ฆ nun.”
๐ต๐๐, the man from the apartment, dressed as a priest, flings his arms wide. ๐ฎ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐บ๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐ณ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฐ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
“…bro?”
A crimson sigil bleeds up through the cathedral floor, splitting open as a writhing, squamous monstrosity slithers forth, its tentacles lashing the air.
๐ป๐๐๐ ๐๐, ๐บ๐๐๐๐๐๐! The cheating-wife-turned-nun implores. ๐ด๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ !
“Bro, what is โ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?!”
“Oh right,” Paul says. “You still didn’t let me say the full title.”
“There’s more?!” Jake rasps in mounting horror.
“Cheating Wives Taste Like White Claw Until They See the White Light of Christ and Give Their Lives to God, Only to be Turned into Seedbeds by Scaevra, the Ovipositing Demon.”
“Ovipositing?!” Jake scrambles backwards, knocking over the cat-tree.
๐๐ฆ๐๐ธ!
๐ถ๐, ๐บ๐๐๐๐๐๐-๐๐๐๐! ๐ต๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐!
“Fuck this! I’m out of here!”
๐ฐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐พ๐๐๐๐ ๐ช๐๐๐๐! ฮฉ