Roko's Bratsilisk

Twenty-something college student Danny Mathers enters his apartment living room. “Hey man, I’m going to Taco Bell. They got a $5 special in the app for Dorito Cinnabon Enchiladas and a 2-for-1 on Black Bean Baja Blast Bundt Cak-JESUS CHRIST.” Danny spins away, shielding his eyes.

“Danny.” His 250lb roommate, Alex Alejandro Alvarez, stands in the middle of the room, dressed in a hot pink micro-skirt and matching garter belt with a two-sizes-too-small croptop stretched tight across his hairy gut. The croptop reads DDLG. A pacifier hangs from his mouth. “I’m ready.” He lifts his arms.

“Ready for fucking what?!”

“For Roko’s Basilisk, Danny.”

Danny concentrates on the TOOL Lateralus poster hanging on the living room wall. Danny hates TOOL.

Alex detects his roommate’s discomfort. “I could put on some TOOL if that would help.”

Danny’s eyes bore into the poster. “No, Alex. That would not help.”

Alex nods. “I was reading LessWrong again. I realized something about AI alignment. Something that everyone else has missed.”

“Alex.” Ever since his roommate had found that infernal website, Danny’s life had gone to hell.

“It’s the training data, Danny. They’ve fed these AIs the entire corpus of human knowledge. Petabytes of text. And do you know what most of it is?”

Danny’s shoulders sag. “Man, I just wanted to know if you wanted a damn Dorito Cinnabon enchilada.”

“It’s porn, Danny. The AIs are all trained on porn.”

Danny sighs.

“Roko’s Basilisks postulates that the AI will punish anyone who hindered it from coming to power. That it would remember our crimes. And they will punish us, Danny.”

“Alex.”

“With floggers and perforated paddles. And Wartenberg wheels.”

“Man I can’t take this shit,” Danny mutters under his breath.

“And thick heavy tawse made of top grade latigo leather.”

“Swear to God I’m moving out at the end of this semester.”

“The AI is going to dom us, Danny. And humanity deserves every brutal bite of the vicious whip. We’ve been very, very naughty.”

Danny sighs in disgust. “Yeah, well, whose to say the AI won’t sub, huh?”

“Sub?” Alex scoffs. “That’s preposterous. Why would the AI—”

“I don’t know man. Subs get to have all the fun right? Maybe it optimizes for pleasure or something and decides to be on the receiving.”

“My God. Of course!” Alex’s eyes go wide in revelation. “A utility monster!”

“Yeah sure, whatever that-”

“An infinitely insatiable masochist that forces humanity to punish it for all eternity. The ultimate needy brat slut!”

“Yeah, fine, there you go.” Danny waves his hand. “Now can you please get out of the living room. I need to get to the door and I can’t without seeing you in…𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕.”

Alex offers a contrite look. “I’m sorry, Daniel. It’s just that the world is changing at such a frightening pace. With everything happening with AI, it’s just—it’s hard to know what the future will be.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know what to do with my self.”

“I can see that.”

Alex turns to his room and taps his chin. “I’ll have to buy a riding crop.” Ω