Spider-Man: We Are Venom. You Are Worse
Within the cramped quarters of the $4000-a-month 100 sqft Brooklyn apartment, Venom looms over his detested arch-nemesis, Spider-Man. Nearby, Mary Jane cowers in the corner.
“Eddie!” Spider-Man shouts. “Get a hold of yourself!”
“Eddie is ๐๐๐๐, Parker. ๐พ๐ are ๐ฉ๐๐ก๐ข๐ !” The symbiote growls, saliva dripping from his jagged, razor-sharp teeth. “And you will ๐ซ๐ฐ๐ฌ!”
A black tentacle lashes out.
“No!” Mary Jane dives in front of Spider-Man.
Like a steel whip, the shifting tentacle ๐ฌ๐ฅ๐๐ฆ๐ฌ into her fragile ribs and hurls her across the room, straight out the open kitchen window.
Spider-Man and Venom stare.
“Oh my God.” Venom blinks and recoils. “Oh my ๐ฎ๐๐ .”
“Welp,” says Spider-Man.
Venom throws up his hands. “Why didn’t you save her?!”
“Eh?”
“Why did you let her jump in front like that? What happened to your Spider-sense?”
“Oh, it went off. Believe me.”
“What.”
“That was gonna hurt.”
“You mean you-”
“Did you hear her ribs break? Sounded like DJ Khaled stepping on a bag of Cheetos.”
“You let her ๐ ๐๐.”
“Eh,” Spider-Man shrugs. “I let her participate.”
“๐ท๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐?”
“Mary Jane always feels a little left out on these adventures, you know? Wasn’t counting on the window though. Bad luck, huh?”
“Bad luck?” Venom gestures. “Why didn’t you jump after her?!”
“I think I was too shocked in the moment? Cause like one foot to the left or right and she would’ve been splattered all over the wall.”
“Jesus.”
“Probably splattered on the street now. Or maybe a car.”
Venom grabs the counter to support himself. “I’m gonna be sick.”
“You know Ben died that way once. Scarlet Spider. Chasm. Whatever gay ass name he’s using these days.”
“You’re-”
“Green Goblin dropped him twenty stories onto a ‘98 Toyota Camry. I even held him in my arms as he disintegrated. Turned out I was the one true Spider-Man all along.”
“You’re deranged.”
“Jackal, now that was a decent name.”
“You’re worse than me.”
“Oh come on. She’ll be back.”
“She just fell ten stories!”
“And she’s probably a robot or a clone or whatever.” Spider-Man waves him off. “Look man, I once lived with an imposter version of Aunt May for a month. Buried her next to Uncle Benโwho has come back once or twice himself.”
“You’ve lost your humanity,” Venom says. “You’re a monster.”
“Come on, Eddie buddy, we’ve both eaten people.”
“What?”
“In Marvel Zombies, I ate Aunt May ๐๐๐ Mary Jane. And I don’t mean sexually. I mean Mary Jane, sure, I’m up in that box like a Chinese buffet but-”
Venom turns his head. “We are ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ .”
“Maybe the Marisa Tomei version, you know, but Rosemary Harris? No way.”
“We are ๐๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ก๐.” ฮฉ