Super Mario Bros. Movie: DELETED SCENE
EXT. FIRE FLOWER FIELD โ NIGHT
Mario and Princess Peach stand in a glowing field of fire flowers beneath a sea of shimmering stars. A soft romantic tune plays. Peach has just revealed how she mysteriously came to the Mushroom Kingdom as a lone orphan child, many years ago.
MARIO Hey, maybe you’re from my world.
PEACH (wearing a red and white fire flower dress. She turns to look up at the night sky) There’s a huge universe out there… with a lot of galaxies.
(Mario says nothing.)
(Peach looks back at him and smiles.)
(Mario puts his hands behind his back and rocks his feet. The Plumber and the Princess stare up at the starry night sky as the camera pans back, revealing Toad sitting on a stump, playing the soft romantic tune on his flute.)
DELETED SCENE BEGINS
PEACH (leans over, whispering out the side of her mouth) Did you miss a line?
MARIO Huh?
PEACH I said the thing about the galaxies and then you gave me nothing back.
MARIO I didn’t-
PEACH Zippo.
MARIO I thought you were-wait. Hold on. Hey Toad! Buddy! (He looks back at Toad) Can you turn it down a little? We’re trying to talk!
(Toad throws back his head and belts out the opening notes of Careless Whisper)
MARIO (mumbling) You amanita asshole…
PEACH (hands on her hips, indignant) Mario!
MARIO (very Italian) ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต?
PEACH You didn’t respond at all! I had to stand there, smiling like some rude, awkward bitch.
MARIO (shrugging) I thought you were doing that on purpose.
PEACH (squinting) You thought I was doing what on purpose?
MARIO Being a rude, awkward bitch.
PEACH ๐๐ญ๐๐ช๐จ๐ ๐ข๐.
(Toad hops up on his stump, playing even louder, feeling the groove.)
MARIO I thought you were blowing me off!
PEACH (scoffs) How was ๐ blowing ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช off?
MARIO (throws up his hands) I said the thing about my world and you come back with (he curls his fingers) “there’s a lot of galaxies”
PEACH (scoffs again) So?
MARIO (Chris Pratt’s best Italian Dinner Argument voice) So, you’re actin’ like I’m a moron! For even suggesting it!
PEACH I wasn’t acting like you were a ๐ข๐ค๐ง๐ค๐ฃ.
MARIO Oh okay.
PEACH I was just saying there’s a lot of galaxies!
MARIO Oh, you’re just saying. Shes just saying everybody.
PEACH It’s statically unlikely!
MARIO Oh that’s beautiful. Just what every man wants to hear when he’s flirtingโstatistics.
(Toad dances like an Appalachian devil, playing his flute at a maddening ear-piercing volume)
MARIO WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SHRIEKING SHIITAKE SHIT-HEAD!
PEACH (jabbing her finger) HEY! Do NOT talk to my toads that way!
MARIO (covering his ears) I can’t hear anything over this goddamn noise!
PEACH Look, it’s not easy for me okay? I didn’t choose to be here. I didn’t choose to be this. (her eyes well with tears) I’m the tallest, smartest, brightest, fittest, most capable person in the whole Mushroom Kingdomโa lone woman elevated to royalty, practically deified, put on a pedestal by a race of three foot tall plush doll fungus men who do Not. Have. Dicks.
MARIO (lowering his hands) Princess…
PEACH (apoplectic) I AM OVERWORKED AND UNDER FUCKED AND I CANT FLIRT AND THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME FROM EATING A BULLET BILL IS MEETING SOME TUBBY ASSHOLE FROM BROOKLYN WHO’S STILL A WHOLE FOOT SHORTER THAN ME!
(Toad hits a high note. Lost in the fit of rage, Peach hurls a fireball at him.)
PEACH SHUT UP!
TOAD (igniting) Auuuuggghhh!!!
PEACH (covering her mouth) Oh my God! Toad!
TOAD (screaming in agony) This is how you princess!
PEACH Quick, Mario, we have to-
(Mario sweeps Peach off her feet and kisses her. Deeply. Passionately. All at once, her defenses crumple. Clinging to her four foot nothing casanova, the Princess swoons, and the deep umami aroma of roasted mushroom fills the evening air.)
END DELETED SCENE ฮฉ