The Gooning Days

“Grandpa, tell us about the good old days again.”

“The Gooning Days, Billy?”

“Yeah, grandpa. The Gooning Days.”

“Oh, it was lit af. Back in my day, girls were shakin’ their titties, postin’ punani like it was going out of style. A madlad could goon for hours—days at a time—and never see the same pair of twerkin’ TikTok cheeks twice. No cap.”

“But grandpa, why did they take gooning away?”

“Well, Billy, it was a stunt.”

“A stunt?”

“Yes, Billy. A stunt. A certain legislator from Mississippi decided he’d write an anti-gooning bill—as a joke.”

“A joke?”

“A bit.”

“We lost gooning to a bit?”

“He was trying to make a point about women’s rights—and accidentally took away men’s rights.”

“Wow.”

“To crank it.”

“But grandpa, who would be dumb enough to do a bit like that?”

“Oh people we’re doing bits all the time. Bits and Gooning. That’s what the roaring 2020’s was all about.”

“Huh. Hey grandpa. Is it true that gooners didn’t have government-mandated mating partners?”

[laughing] “Yes, Billy. That’s why we gooned!”

“That’s crazy.”

“Course your grandmother was the best thing to ever happen to me—government-mandated or not.”

“That’s sweet.”

“But sometimes…”

“…sometimes, grandpa?”

“I dream…”

“…of Gooning, grandpa?”

“Yes, Billy. Of Gooning.”